| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|03:13 pm] |
RAchael,
My new lj is aprilicous89. Can you do my back ground for me. text me and i will text you my password. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|08:22 am] |
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Rachael...my account isn't free. What did you do? what do i do? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|07:54 am] |
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I now have a new journal. if any one would like to read it. it is Aprilicous. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|10:01 am] |
My life has been weird lately. I am getting along with Billy. We are just great. But this whole apartment thing is stressing me out. I have my reasons why I don't think I should leave. And I know Rachael does to. But I am going to try to do this. I am doing this for Rachael and Billy. I honestly think I am starting to feel some kind of love for Billy. He means alot to me. But he doesn't know. I don't know how to tell some one that I think I love him when I know they don't love me. I don't want to tell him and then have him think he has to love me. I want him to love me. I don't want him to love me because he thinks he has to. I wish we had some alone time together. If we get the apartment then we will be able to be alone. My mom will have some where to go when she fights with my dad. And maybe if she sees that I can do it then she will think she can too. It's just that nothing good ever happens to me. Me and Billy had a really long talk about it. I think he might be mad at me over it. Cause it was the first time that he heard about me doubting it. I need to talk to him.
I have been skipping alot lately. I don't really know how to stop. When ever I am in school I feel like i am not meant to be here. Like now. I feel so confused and lost. But I got to do this. I got to get my grades up.
Well I should actually go and do my work. I have to make up alot in this class. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|10:13 am] |
I am in computer class. I have been thinking about love alot lately. What is it? Where does it come from? Will I know when I feel it? I want to love someone. I want some one to love me. But yet I don't want to feel it right now because I am in high school and I don't want to leave that person that I love when school is over. The reason why I am saying all this is because I want to love Billy and I really want him to love me. But I am still in high school he isn't. When I go into 12th grade he will be in his first year at SCCC. And he is only going for 2 years. And I also want to go there for 2 years. And Billy wants to go to Arizona after that. By the time my first year of college is over Billy will be ready to leave. He keeps telling me that he is taking me to Arizona with him. But I don't believe that. Who knows how many other girls he told that too. He said that I can take my second year at a community college in Arizona. But I told him that I don't want to move there. So he asked me where he is going to go to college. He basically said he is going where I go. But I told him not to talk about it cause I don't believe any of it. He asked me why I think so negatively about the future. I told him it's because I have grown up with every one leaving me. I had family leave me and alot of friends. I honestly don't believe I will know any of my friends that I have now in the future. I hate thinking that because I love them all, they are a big part of my life, but thats what I really believe.
I had fun at Jason's birthday. I actually danced. Everyone danced except Mindy. I kinda figured that. But I got mad because my magic midget left me because Mindy threw up on my coat and Jason's mom came home.
I have become very worried about Rachael. I love her to death. I wish I could help her but I don't know how. She always wants to skip but I can't do that. If I get bad grades my parents will kill me. Plus I don't want bad grades, I want to be able to have a lot of options in the future. I want to be able to enjoy what I do and be able to make good money.
Well I think thats it for now. Bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|07:59 am] |
40 questions about 2005.
1) Was 2005 a good year for you? This was my best year. So much has happened to me. And when it's over I think I will be in my room crying for about 2 days.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year? I can't just pick one. I love partying with friends, new friends, jose, and his family.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? ummm...Not being able to trust Nikki.
4) Where were you when 2005 began? My house...I think
5) Who were you with? I think I was with my family.
6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? I hope I am at a friends house partying.
7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? Hopefully all my friends.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? I don't think I had one.
10) Did you fall in love in 2005? I thought I did.
11) If yes, with who? Jose.
12) If yes, do they know? No.
13) Are you still in love with them? NO
14) Do you regret it? Nope...
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? No
16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? Yes...and I love them all!!!!
17) Who are your favorite new friends? Rachael, Jessica, Billy, Jason...some others. But those are my "favorite new friends"
18) What was your favorite month of 2005? June and August
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005? Nope.
20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? None.
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? Well...kinda...
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? yeah...
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire...I don't get to see new movies much anymore.
24) What was your favorite song from 2005? I can't answer that.
25) What was your favorite record from 2005? I don't know.
26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? None. *crying*
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? Yeah, the Backstreet Boys...but I didn't get to go see them.
28) Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005? Yeah...
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005? No...just weed.
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? 2
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? noooo...
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? Nikki can't admit that she fucked Spanky.
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? NO...
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? yeah...
36) How much money did you spend in 2005? couple hundred. I don't get money alot.
37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? I am proud that I am not that shy anymore.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005? I can't remember.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be? ummm...not sleeping with Spanky...but I don't know if he does have a disease.
40) What are your plans for 2006? Get a job, get a car, get an apartment. Have as much fun as I had this year.
THINK OF 20 people right off THE TOP OF your head, BUT don't read the questions
underneath 'til you think of those 20 people!
1. Rachael
2. Mindy
3. Eddie
4. Billy
5. Jason
6. Jessica
7. Amanda
8. Dirt
9. Caleb
10. Mary
11. Sinead
12. Jose
13. Spanky
14. E
15. Saher
16. Joker
17. Nikki
18. Amanda (Mayo)
19. Vikki
20. Breanna
Now answer according to the names listed.
QUESTIONS:
1. How did you meet 13? On the streets...he wanted to get to know me and Nikki...
2. What would happen if you hadn't met 6? 6 made me happy...everything that I did with her was fun...I think I would have been bored and lost if she wasn't around.
3. What do you honestly think of 10? I love Mary...she is fun and smart...and I can always talk to her.
4. Would or did 19 and 3 date? Oh, hell no...lets not let mindy find out about that question...she might want to kill 19.
5. Did you ever like 4? yeah...I go out with him.
6. Would you date 5? Honestly...he is such a great guy...If I didn't go out with Billy I think I would.
7. Would 2 and 11 make a good couple? No. They are both girls.
8. Describe 7 in seven words:
Slut
Kinda Pretty
fun
good drinking partner
confident
doesn't care what any one thinks
she has your back.
9. Do you think 15 is hot?: Ohhh yeah, I just love Saher...Just playing
10. Would 1 and 17 date?: for one, they are both girls. and for two, one hates the other.
11. Tell me something humiliating about 14? I really don't know him like that.
12. Do you know any of 3's family members? yeah, his brother is my future husband.
13. What is 20's favorite color? I don't know...
14. On a scale of 1-10, how cute is .. 16: I like that question...he is sexy!!!!
15. What would you do if 18 just confessed his/her love to you? Well thats my cousin.
16. What language does 19 speak? English
17. Who is 15 going out with? No one
18. Would you be on 2's list? Yeah
19. Would 18 and 10 make a good couple? No
20. What grade is 12 in? He is in college.
21. When was the last time you talked to 13? Like a month ago.
22. What is 5's favourite band? I don't know about band but I know he loves Eminem.
23. Does 9 have any siblings? Yes
24. Would 1 and 4 be cute together? uh NO...thats my man and my best friend.
26. Is 11 single? NO!! He's going to marry one of my best friends.
27. How'd you meet 20? Partying.
28. Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3? Eww, screw you! He's like my brother.
29. What school does 16 go to? I think Cities.
30. What school does 2 go to? SHS with me!!
31. Would you make out with 1? No
32. Are 5 and 6 best friends? No
33. Is 12 older than you? Yeah.
34. Is 1 the sexiest person alive? I dont know...but she is pretty.
35. If you had to choose beteween 1 & 6: 1 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|10:03 am] |
~!*^ RaNdOm ^*!~
1. who was your first grade teacher? Mrs...Opps...I forgot!
2. do you like ketchup? Not by itself
3. whats your favorite type of salad dressing? Ranch
4. have you ever been to niagara falls? No.
5. do you go out to dinner often? Nope, Never have
6. do you have braces? No.
7. whats your favorite subject in school? Computer Class...
8. have you ever grown plants in a garden? Yes.
9. have you ever spent over 6 hours at the mall? yes but I hated it...I hate the mall!
10. have you ever ridden a horse? Yes.
11. do you babysit? Yeah, once in awhile
12. what color ink do you use most often when writing? blue
13. do you prefer to listen to CD's or the radio? It depends if you have enough cds, many different types, and the new songs.
14. are you a good speller? NOPE!!!
15. do you watch a lot of TV? Not much anymore.
16. do you like George W. Bush? I don't care for him...I'm not into politics...besides that, he has never done anything wrong to me.
17. who is your idol? I don't have one.
18. what time do you go to bed at on weeknights? 10. And it's still not early enough
19. do you have an obsession? BACKSTREET BOYS!!! CHRISTMAS!!! If you know me you knew that
20. have you ever been outof the country? No
21. do you own a cactus? No
22. do you usually have candles lit in your house? No but I do LOVE candles.
23. do you text message? when ever I can.
24. do you like this survey? not really but I have nuttin else to do in class.
25. what time is it right now? 10:11 a.m.
---THiS \or/ THaT ---
1. coke or pepsi-coke
2. apples or peaches-peaches
3. night or day-Night
4. techno or rock-rock
5. hamburger or hot dog-hamburger
6. school or dentist-dentist
7. cat or dog-depends
8. ketchup or mustard-ketchup
9. half full or half empty-half full
10. phone or instant messenging-depends
11. ipod or cd player-ipod
12. watch TV or read a book-tv
13. swim or jog Swim.
14. single or taken-taken!!!!!!!
15. country or city-depends
16. pink or blue-blue
17. digital camera or regular-regular
18. sing or dance-neither
19. talk or make out-depends
20. write or draw-both
....:Basics:....
::Name:: April Lyn Jackson
::Birthday:: August 8, 1989
::State:: NY
::Hair Color:: Blondeish brown
::Eye Color:: Blue
::Height:: 5'8"-5'9"
...:Favorites:...
::Color:: red,black,blue,pink,purple,orange,green
::Food:: dont have one
::Movie:: dont have one
::Show:: One Tree Hill and The O.C
::Band/Singer:: Ummm...HELLO...the BACKSTREET BOYS
::Animal:: dog, cat, mice, anything cute.
::Guy Name:: Chase, Brady
::Girl Name:: Brooke, Chloe
::Drink:: Southern Comfort!!!!!!!!!!
::Candy:: Not sure
\\\\\\ When is the last time you ... ///////
+ went to the movies ... With Rachael to see Harry Potter on Thanksgiving.
+ went swimming ... I think it was with Rachael and Betsy
+ ate sushi ... Never ever ever.
+ told someone you loved them ...No one
+ watched a marathon of a show ... never
+ made a prank phone call ... i can't remember when the last time I did it.
+ got in a fight with someone ... i never got into a fist fight but I am always getting into arguements.
+ flew a kite .... never
+ went fishing ... about 2 years ago.
+ had a barbecue ... over the summer
+ brushed you teeth ... when I woke up for school this morning.
+ went to the mall .... Saturday with Rachael and Mindy.
>.>Have you ever ...<.<
>Hit someone: only fooling around
>Sung in front of a crowd: kinda...but that was only for a second
>Cried yourself to sleep: Yeah.
> Been on a yacht: yeah
>Stolen anything: yeah, but nuttin like i used to...i recently took a wreath.
>Gotten Drunk: Yes...I love it.
>Swam with Dolphins: No
>Smoked pot: Yes and i love it.
>Stayed at your computer for over 5 hours: when my computer was actually on.
>Snuck out of the house: yup...nikki was with me when i first did it and was the first at ever house that i did it.
>Died you hair: Yes
>Pretended to cry to get your way: i have tried to.
>Failed a class: The last time i was actually failing a class was in 7th grade.
>Gone to a summer camp: nope...and never will.
>Kissed in the rain: no
>Walked around with toliet paper on your shoe: Probably at some point in time.
>Made out with a stranger: yes...it was with spanky...and i wont for get it...
>Lost something valuable: not that i am aware of.
>Slept until past 4 in the afternoon: no
>Played volleyball on a beach: no...but i do play volleyball.
*******************************************************************
my parents were fighting last night. they were about to fist fight and the only time they do that is if they are drinking and this time they weren't. so i know things are getting bad. i wanted to leave. i wanted to take my sister for a walk. i didn't want her to see that, to see what i grew up with. so i tried to call mindy and her phone was off. i called jason to see if mindy was with him but she was at eddie's. so once again she wasn't there for me. for some reason billy didn't call me. i hate my life. i need a job to get the fuck outta here. i need to get out of my parents house.
last night my brother snuck out his window and stayed out until about 12. my dad knows. things are getting bad at my house and i cant stand it. i have no where to go no one to help me.i realized that mindy isn't my bestfriend any more...to tell you the truth...i think it's Rachael. i can tell her anything. i talk to her more then i talk to anyone else. i feel bad saying that though. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|08:46 am] |
I had a good day yesterday. I met up with Billy at 7 and we went to a house where Nikki was. We just sat around and had fun. I enjoyed myself. Billy was stuffing his face while I was playing with this little adorable kid. Nikki is going out with this kid Tavis now. He's good for her. He got her a necklace. Oh yeah, Billy drew me a picture. He said that he felt guilty playing the video game even though I was in school. So he put the game away and drew a picture that took 3 hours. I really like Billy. I wanna have another good night like I did last night. There was no complaining and no argueing. And I also saw a couple old friends.
Jason's birthday is this weekend. They are not sure where they want to have the party. They are trying to have it at Jason's and they want to send his mom away to her boyfriends. Hopefully that happens cause I am going to need somewhere to crash because I cant go home drunk. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|08:04 am] |
Im sitting in class bored outta my mind. I somewhat had a good weekend. Rachael came over after school. I get home around 5 and find out that my brother has 3 of his friends in the house while watching Melanie. My mom was still at work and my dad went out. Rick and his friends went through my cds. When they left I found out that my cd was missing like 3 of his cds. So I told my mom. Well I left and hung out with Mindy, Eddie, and Chris at around 8:30. Chris kept flirting with me the whole time. He kept asking me I am going to break up with Billy. Eddie had to keep telling him to leave me alone. When I went home I found out that Rick went through my room and took one of my movies so his friend can watch it. Oh yeah, he also got high in his bedroom while watching Melanie.
So Saturday I told my dad about his cds. My dad was pissed. Rick kept saying that no one took anything. I think it was his friend Kory. They kept blaming Nikki's brother. My dad thinks it was Brandon. Well Rick tells my parents that he buys me and Rachael ciggs and weed. He is trying to start trouble with me just because his friends are theives. My parents better not try to yell at me or ground me for what Rick is saying because they know he smokes weed. They know where his money goes when they give it to him. My mom knows Rick smokes in the house.
Well anyways Saturday I hung out with Rachael and Mindy. We went to Crossgates. We were following some really weird looking guy. Then we stole people's wreath, candy canes, and we wanted to take lights but couldn't. Then Racchael dropped us off at my house. Then we went to Eddie's. Billy was there. I asked them if they can beat up Rick and Kory. Eddie wont and it wont be a good idea for Billy to beat Rick up because if he does then he will tell my parents that we go out and that he sneaks into my room. Well that night Billy came over. I WON!! Inside joke. He stayed until 5 p.m Sunday. Which was weird because I didn't leave my room all day so I was surprised that my dad didn't knock on my door or something. Then after he left I ate and waited for Rachael to come get me. We went to the clubhouse, then got money from her dad and walked to the deli to get her ciggs. Then walked back. As we were leaving we drove by dominoes and saw that Billy was in there so we stopped and said hi.
And well that was my weekend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|10:05 am] |
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Wow. Life is crazy. Mindy some how found out that I talked to Billy about what Eddie said. So she decides cry like something is going to happen. And she leaves school with Rachael to walk to Eddie's to make sure they weren't going to fight. I don't know how she found out. But I'm mad that she did. Cause now I don't think Billy really trusts Eddie and I think it's going to be ackward. Well anyways, no one wanted to ask me what Billy said. They all just assumed he was going to fight Eddie. Billy wasn't going to do anything. I guess Mindy was afraid that Eddie was going to get his ass kicked by Billy. Every body knows that Billy can take Eddie. There's no doubt about that. Oh yeah, now Eddie tried to change the story. He said that he didn't want me to tell because the story might get mixed up. Now he said that Billy didn't say that, that he said something about Mindy being out of Eddie's leage. Well you know what? Eddie is a fucking liar. I can't believe he is going to change his story now. I knew that I couldn't trust him. At first I thought that Minidy found out about Carmella. That was what I was mainly worried about cause then it would have been all my fault and I don't want every one hating me. I know that sounds selfish. But Mindy doesn't need to know. She's happy, why have her find something out like that, that can really hurt her. Well I told Eddie that I told Billy because it was really bothering me. And like I told him and every one else, the only people that I care about is Mindy and Billy. What I mean is that I don't care what Eddie has to think. I am not here to make him happy. When I found out that Mindy knew I thought it was Vikki that told because of the way that she texted me. I didn't really understand it but Vikki's name was in it and it just sounded like it was her to blame. I was about ready to yell at Vikki. But she didn't say anything. And now she is mad because she was brought in it. Well I think that's all that I have to say. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|08:47 am] |
Well I did talk to Billy. But Mindy and Eddie don't know. I told Billy to promise not to say anything so I don't get in the middle. Billy said it was all a lie. He said he would never fight over a girl and that he would rather date me then date Mindy cause of her attitude. Billy also told me that when Eddie and Mindy first started going on he was still dating his ex. He never broke up with her. I guess she showed up at thier house one day when Mindy was there and Billy had to cover for him. He said that he was trying to get with Mindy. Then he went inside and told Eddie that he better break up with her cause he isn't covering for him again. So basically Eddie was playing Carmella with Mindy but Mindy doesn't know. But I'm not going to say anything to her. So if any one reads this and they know her, well don't say anything.
Yesterday I hung out with Rachael after school. We had fun. I enjoyed our conversations. We were talking about where people took a shit. I don't know why. On the ride home we saw HFK!!! I was so happy. Then I met up with Billy. He told me that Chris liked me. OMG!! So ackward. I hung out with Chris and Billy. I was actually having fun. When Chris left Billy told me that he was flirting with me the whole time. I felt weird. But he's nice. And I don't like him like that. I guess no one really likes Mindy. Billy said that Jason hates her and I know that Chris and Billy can't stand her. Right about now I can't either. OMG!!! Her and Eddie are so gross. Mindy will jerk Eddie off in front of every one. Eddie will suck on her tit. No one wants to see any of that. Affection is one thing. But thats...ewww...All well. I don't care. I am not planning on hanging out with them much. I don't trust Eddie and as of now I don't really trust Mindy.
Well I have to get back to my lesson. Bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|07:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | computers | ] |
Well I found out that Billy was fighting Eddie for Mindy. I found this out Friday. I wanted to talk to him about it but on Saturday Eddie told Mindy to tell me not to say anything to him cause he doesn't want any problems. But I want to talk to him about it cause if makes me feel like shit and once again Mindy wins. How come all the guys want her. I asked Jose that. I went to his house Saturday after noon with Rachael to smoke weed. So Saturday and Sunday I barely talked to Billy. On Sunday I went to Eddie's around 4:45. I was there until about 6. I wanted to leave because his dad had a problem with me being there. Yeah, a great why to make someone feel uncomfortable. So I am not going to go there any more. Why would I go somewhere where I hear the parent bitch about me being there when I can just stay home and listen to my own parents bitch. Well this Saturday I am going to see if Billy will come over so I can talk to him. If I tell him what I heard then I have to make him promise not to say anything. Cause I don't want to be in the middle or the reason why people are fighting.
Guess what? Jose misses me. He told me that Friday. I told him about Billy and that there are times when I think Billy is cheating. Jose said that if he is then I should go over there and cheat on him. He was being a loser. Jose doesn't make me happy any more like that. And at one point Billy did. The way I feel right now, I am honestly waiting for Billy to break up with me. So don't be surprised when I say he does. I hate being so unhappy.
Well thats it for now. Bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|10:44 am] |
Me and Rachael just skipped the whole day. We were only supposed to double lunch but we decided to walk all the way to Mont Pleasant. We were freezing our asses off. Now we are looking for a place to stay. We tried to get a hold of Spanky but he isn't answering his phone. I am about to call Jason to go over there. Rachael rang my doorbell to see if my mom was home. She answered. So Rachael acted like she didn't know if we had school.
I am hungry!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah, now we are at the library. We just wrote fake papers saying the schools attendance system was messing up so if my parents get a phone call home sayin I wasn't there then they can just disregard it. Wow we are intelligent. TTFN!!! Ta Ta For Now. Thats what Tigger always says. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:02 am] |
I had an ok day yesterday. My dad thinks that I didn't go to school because I woke up late. Whatever. He is such an asshole. I guess he told my mom that he is going to giver her his whole paycheck so she can move out. He is so childish. So yesterday I played my brothers game until 7. I was having fun. Then Billy calls. I guess he tried to call at 6:30 cause I have a voicemail from him. But my phone didn't wrong. So I went to hang out with Billy, Mindy, and Eddie. It was actually fun. Billy went streaking again. He is soo weird. But thats why I like him so much. I hope he is around today. I wanna see him. I don't want to sit in my house being bored like always.
This morning I went handi n my working papers and I forgot to put my SSN on it. Now I have to go tomorrow. This is becoming bullshit. It takes awhile for me to actually get my permit. When I finally do I have other things to do and then I find out my birth certificate isn't real. Then I finally get my permit. Then I am late to my appointment so I can get a phyiscal. When I finally get that done I sould be able to hand in my working papers. But noooo...now I need my SSN. It's like someone is trying to tell me that I have to work hard for what I want or they just dont want me to have a job. I'm not really sure.
Well I should get my work done in class. Bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|07:35 am] |
I dont know whats wrong with me. Yesterday I was haveing some kind of break down. After Rachael left I waited all day for Billy to call. We were supposed to spend time together because he had the day off. But he never called. If I knew he wasn't going to then I could have chilled with Spanky. So I sat in my room all day watching movies. And for some reason I was crying. I think it was just because I felt alone. I mean Mindy is never here for me and Billy wasn't around and he knows I don't like being alone. I texted Mindy and told her that I need her to be at the bus stop in the morning cause I needed to talk to her. But she said she will try. Then she told me to come over. I said no. Well she eventually texted me and said that Billy was over. I said "ok and" she said Billy wanted her to call. Then she said that she was on her way with Billy to come and get me. I said I didn't want her to. Then the next I knew she was at the door. I told Mindy a little about whats wrong with me. Then we went over to Eddie's. I sat there on a bar stool the whole time. By the time I got there is was 7:50. I didn't really talk and Billy was to into the movie. If I wanted to do that then I could have stayed home and finish the movie I was watching. Then Eddie's dad came. It was 8:20. I decided to leave. Billy told me to stay for about 20 more minutes. But I said that I didn't want to be there. He turned away for a second and I told Mindy I was leaving and I left. As soon as I got out the door I started to cry. I texted Mindy to tell her that I have been doing this all day. She called me and left a voicemail saying she will be at the bus stop so I can talk to her. Which she wasn't. I don't know if anyone knows about the text or heard her leaving me a voicemail.
Ever sense I got into a fight with my dad I have started to drink beer. Friday night I stole 5 beers from my dad and saturday night i stole about 5 and last night I only stole 1. I feel as if alcohol is the only thing that can help me. I feel like its the only thing there for me. I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know why I feel like this. I think another reason why I am so upset is because I never get to talk to Billy one on one. We are never alone. I am making him stay at my house this weekend. I need to spend some alone time with him. And if that means Saturday night then that means no Rachael. Sorry.
Saturday I had Billy, Eddie, Mindy, Rachael, me, Rick, and Mark all in my house smoking. It was fun. But it was almost 8 and I knew my parents would be home soon. So we go to my backyard to finish it. Mindy and Eddie were still in my house. I don't know what they were doing but they were in there for at least 10 to 15 minutes. I guess my parents got home and my dad was really mad to find them in the house with out me. He didn't know where I was and the door was locked. So he said I was grounded for 3 months. My mom said no I wasn't. She let me go out and when I walked out the door my dad said that my stuff will be on the curb. And that I better not come back. Well I did come back at 11:30. When I got home my mom said that she was surprised that my dad would act like that in front of my friend and his cousin. So she started crying. She told me and Rachael that if we get a house then she is moving in. She said she is a cool mom. I guess she can be at times.
I want to double lunch on Wednesday. I want some one to get me alcohol or weed. My friend Vikki said that she has both of them at home. I want her to get me alcohol. But I doubt it. |
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[Nov. 16th, 2005|08:46 am] |
I had an alright day yesterday. I actually played my brothers video game. I played need for speed underground 2. it was actually kinda fun. I am going to play again today.
last night billy called me at 10:30. he just wanted to say goodnight and that he will try to get out of work early. i really think this is going to work out between us. i am very happy with life now. ever sence he wrote me a note i think my life has become better. i really want it to work out.
i realized that i am not intellegent. some people may think i am but i really am not. i dont know what i am good at. i dont remember anything that i have learned in school. i have to find out what i am good at so i can have a career in it.
i haven't talked to jose in about a week!!
i am going to get my permit tomorrow and get a physical so i can get a good job. i cant wait. |
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[Nov. 15th, 2005|08:11 am] |
Well this weekend?
Friday Nikki stayed at my house. She called me up and asked me. I said I didn't care so she called up my mom at work and she said yes. Then I walked with her to work at 3 and found out that she didn't have to be in until 6:30. So my dad gave us a ride back. But while I was walking there we saw Spanky. I guess Nikki and her friends went there that morning. And this girl Rose asked if I was on his dick too. What the hell does she mean by that? I thought it sounded like Nikki was. But I said no because I'm not. Then around 8 I met up with Eddie and Billy. Mindy was still working. Oh yeah, Billy wrote me a note and I wrote him back. Well we went to go see what time Mindy gets out but since they saw that she had friends waiting for her they let her go at 9. Then we just chilled in Billy's car. Then we went to pick up Nikki at 10:15. Since I didn't want to stay at my house I told them to meet us around the corner so me and Nikki can sneak out. We do, we go to Rock-n-Bowl. Caleb pays for Billy and Eddie to play. This guy Scott was there. He was drunk and yet so funny. Me and Nikki were laughing our asses off. Finally it's time to go. We drop off Mindy and Eddie. But me, Billy, and Nikki sit there for a little. And Billy decides to sleep over. We had to sneak him into my room.
Saturday Billy gets into a fight with his sister cause no one knew where he was and he had the car. So there were big problems with that.
I told mindy something Nikki told me that spanky said. Mindy got really pissed. Then later that night I was at my house cause Billy was home dealing with soem problems, I get a text from Mindy saying she told Eddie what Nikki said and not he is mad at her. So I walk to meet her. She is crying. I call up Spanky to ask him about it. He said word on he grandmother, mother, and daughter that he never said anything. So we believe him. Billy is really upset he starts haveing problems. I dont know what to do so I sit there and rub his back. He starts to calm down. He was on the verge of killing someone. Billy was really scaring me. So Billy ends up sleeping over on Saturday too. It was good to finally get some alone time. Even though we didn't really talk. Maybe I can get him to come over this weekend and we can talk. I feel bad having to hide that I have a boyfriend from my family.
I had a good day on Sunday. I told Eddie's brother that he was going to be my future husband. It was real cute cause every time Billy would touch me Eric would say something. So every time Eric said something Billy would kiss me. Then I played catch with the kids for a little bit.
Billy called me last night and told me he got kicked out.
Now my family is saying shit about us. Amanda is not allowed over cause of all the drinking and drugs. My aunt and Robert are starting shit. So my mom called up my aunt and cursed her out. I guess my uncle Barry might be coming down this month or something. I dont know. |
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[Nov. 10th, 2005|09:59 am] |
I realized it was never love that I had for Jose. It was just because he was my first. I have chilled with him the last couple days. I didn't do anything with him but if I wanted to I could. Before that whole incedent happened at his house I always wanted him. And when I stopped chilling with him I wanted him even more. But now that I can have him if I want, I don't want it. I want Billy. I think I am haveing more feelings for Billy. Which is good cause he is my boyfriend. But I just wish I could see him more. I like talking to Jose and all but I just wish it was Billy. I think I am going to start talking to him more. I have to do more for this relationship to work. I can't expect him to. But I like it when the guy is in control of most things. I like when the guy shows that he wants me or needs me. That's what Jose always did but I don't want him any more. I want Billy. Like I said, I am going to work for it. I can now see myself lasting awhile with him. We were joking around one day and he was telling me how he was going to build me a house but it will probably take about 6 years. And then we are supposed to kidnap that little boy. But I don't think he will even be around that much cause I think he wants to move to Arizona and I am not sure where he is going to college. Well I am just going to have to see how things work out right?
I love you Rachael!!! Dont forget it!!! |
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[Nov. 9th, 2005|09:29 am] |
I know this is kinda late but this is the only time I could update.
Well this pass weekend was crazy. Friday I did nothing. It was boring. I just hung out with the same people.
Saturday was crazy. Rachael came over. We went to the park so I can see my cousins that I haven't seen in awhile. Billy and Jason showed up. We all left and met up with Mindy and Eddie.Me and Rachael left and got high with my brother and his friend. Then we went back to the park and we all left. We all fit in the car and Eric hung on the back of it. It was funny. Then Dirt came over. He was drinking. I had a little to drink. Me and Mindy went to work at 6. Rachael, Eddie, Billy, and Dirt got high. Then later Billy and Jason went to go get Billy's mom. We were all sitting on Eddie's step and we see this car go speeding down the road. It crashes into a car. Me and Mindy ran for the porch cause we thought it was coming straight towards us. It was a nice car. The guy was drunk. Then Rachael got into a fight with Ashley. It was all a setup. It was fucked up. E saw the whole thing, he came and got us cause we were supposed to chill with him and Jpse. We got really drunk. Rachael was getting sick all over the place. It was fun. We got home on Sunday around 4:30. Then we met up with Mindy, Eddie, and Billy. We told them about the fight. And we said that we got drunk with Rachael's friends cause I couldn't tell Billy and Eddie that I chilled with Jose. Then a little while later this little 3 year old walked by us crying. He was basically missing and his mother didn't realize it. We called the cop and found out he lived down the street.
Now I am in school and there is a riot going on. They should just send us home. We are in our second lock down. There are alot of people fighting. I have no idea what the reason is though. I just want to go home.
Yesterday I didn't have to work so I waited for Billy to call me. Instead Jose did. So I chilled with him. I really dont care about Jose much any more. I want Billy. Now that I can get Jose if I wanted to, I now want Billy. Does that make any sense? I just wish he would have called to at least say hi or he wont be around. It's not like I want to have this big conversation with him on the phone. But no he doesn't call. The man that I dont really care about calls me. I wish he had his own house so I can see him more. I dont know why I am not used to this yet.
Me, Billy, Mindy, Eddie, Rachael, and Dirt are supposed to get a cabin this winter. I don't know how many days it wil be so I am going to pretend I am going on a school trip. I am going to make a fake permission slip and have my mom sign it. Then I will say it cost some money and my mom will give me money for the trip. Cause I have no way to go away for a couple of days without my mom wondering. So that can work.
Because of what happened with Rachael and Ashley I don't really trust Nikki any more. She knew what was going to happen. She used me to get to Rachael. I love Nikki and all but I am not going to deal with none of that shit. I don't want to be in the middle of any of that but I am definatly on Rachael's side. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|09:47 am] |
I didn't get my permit. I am going in like 2 weeks. I moved yesterday. I like my new house. I have a cute room. I am still confused about Billy. I don't know what is going on. I wanna tell him but I cant. I feel weird.
I cant wait till this weekend.
I might be havin a job this weekend.
Next month I am getting my tonge pierced. I am afraid though. I am afraid of the pain. I wanna ask a couple people how it feels.
Well thats it. |
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